"This Is This"

I've always been so taken with that scene in The Deer Hunter where Robert DeNiro tries to explain to an uncomprehending John Cazale that the bullet in his hand really is the bullet in his hand, and not something else.

Sitting on the hood of of that beat-up cadillac, he holds the bullet up for Cazale to see, points to it and angrily declares:

"This is this. This ain't something else. This is this."

There are a lot of ways to say what he's trying to say -- many ways to try and talk about the problem of denial -- but his is certainly one of my favorites. It speaks to the heart of practical vampire slaying, and to the uncomfortable first step we have to take before we can even hope to be free of our vampires: The step where we admit to ourselves that our vampires really are vampires, and not something else.

That intruding and advice-giving neighbor who can

never take a hint to leave is not "just lonely and trying to help."

She's a vampire, and she's feeding on me .

That isolating and critical spouse who is never satisfied

no matter what I do is not "just a loner and telling it like it is."

He's a vampire, and he's feeding on me.

It's funny how hard that can be to see, isn't it?

Maybe the truth is so hard to see because we're nice guys and really like to give people (and vampires) the benefit of the doubt; or maybe it's just hard to admit because we fear the prospect of having to revoke our invitations -- either way, the fact of the matter remains:

"The strength of the vampire

is that people will not believe in him."

Or so Van Helsing warns us in the 1931 movie version of Dracula. And I, for one, take him at his word.

Next Time: Reminder On Diagnostics

Yes, But What About ME?

Maybe you've already answered this, but how do you know if you are someone else's vampire? Is there a way to tell if the potential host is too timid to say so?

That you even have the desire and ability to see yourself in the mirror says A LOT, remember. Vampires just don't have that kind of relationship with mirrors. Or themselves.

But for those of us who truly do want to throw some light (whoops -- there's another thing vampires aren't interested in: light) on ourselves, there is more we can do than just gaze and wonder in the mirror -- there's an actual procedure for how we look into our mirrors, and even a list of exactly what it is we're looking for.

In my book I call it using "spiritual garlic," since garlic has such powerful cleansing properties (and because of the whole -- you know -- vampire allergy thing), but you, of course, can call it anything you want.

Here's how it goes...this is the abbreviated blog version, by the way:

Before we go to bed we set aside a few minutes to review our day. The way I do it is to wait until I have a few moments of quiet after everyone else has retired, and then I take a look at my day (almost like I'm watching a movie of my day, but in fast-motion).

As I watch, I usually can't help but notice just a heck of a lot of nice stuff that's happened during the day: a laugh I had with someone, or a kindness given or received, a great meal, a confidence shared, that we all made it home safely to our beds -- stuff like that.

Having taken note of these things, I then say, "THANK YOU."

After that, I watch for the times during the day when my behavior made me or someone else uncomfortable: an argument I had or impatient or harsh words I might have spoken, or something I did that I feel I might need to apologize for -- you know, situations where I was perhaps selfish or self-centered, or where I was resentful (reacting in anger to the same situation in my life over and over again) and behaved in a way that hurt me or someone else -- you know, stuff like that. Then I say, "PLEASE SHOW ME THE WAY TO CORRECT THIS." Or words to that effect -- how you express your need for help in these matters is your own business, of course.

And whomever/whatever you're addressing your request to is also your own business, also of course.

And, okay -- that wasn't so abbreviated, I guess. But in this way we can end the day clean, without bringing all of today's garbage into tomorrow, and with a pretty good idea of who we are and just exactly what we've been up to.

Vampires can't do that. Shoot, they don't even want to.

Thanks for the great question!!

Born To Slay

Nothing like a little great rock and roll to shoo away the vampires, I always say.

And that is all, for now.