"Biting Back takes a compelling look at self-care, setting boundaries, and protecting ourselves from friends, loved ones, enemies, and sometimes even ourselves. Written in a page-turning and warm style, Claudia’s refreshing addition to the self-help shelves offers empowering solutions to effectively remind us to stop inviting troubleinto our homes and souls." -- MELODY BEATTIE, NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLING AUTHOR OF CODEPENDENT NO MORE


Multiple Personality Disorder In Vampires

Here is my question: How do I get rid of a vampire in my life who is catty and offensive to me when the two of us are alone, and then when my husband is around she is really cutesy and nice, so he really likes her?

That was the easy question. Here is the difficult one: Did I make her into a vampire?

Talk about efficiency in vampires! It sounds like this one has found a way to feed on your husband's attention and on your frustration about this multiple personality disorder of hers at the same time. I should note here, though, that when we're talking about multiple personality disorder in vampires, what we're really talking about is something we in vampireland refer to as "shapeshifting."

Remember how Dracula could do that -- how he could turn into a bat or a wolf or smoke or whatever? Well, that's what this catty cutsiepie is doing, too: she's using that famously handy vampire power of hers to shift shape so she can feed as much as possible. Two for the price of one, if you will.
Vampires are nothing if not economical.

Don't forget what she is or forget her nature, though: A vampire's appetite is never satisfied (the rules, remember?) AND she is Undead, which is to say that she has no soul, no conscience, and no actual memory of her actions -- and therefore no ability to "reflect" on them.

As to getting rid of shapeshifting vampires: It can be tricky since you might revoke your invitation to her in one shape, then have her show up on your doorstep again in another shape, asking for yet another invitation to get in. And if she catches you on a day you're not paying attention, you might just give her that invitation she's seeking. You see the problem.

The solution, when it comes to these shapeshifting predators, is to turn the light not on them, but on ourselves. In this case you might want to bring your motive for retaining her "friendship" into the light where you can see it clearly. Then ask yourself if the reason you're keeping her around is really worth all this blood-loss to you. Also, while you're in that light, you might want to take a look at your wounds to see exactly where you are so vulnerable and whether -- vampire or no -- you want to heal or strengthen yourself in those areas. Vampires are our little helpers in that way, you know: they lead us, however angrily, into the darkness within -- to the parts of ourselves we've kept hidden and tried our best to deny. They're kind of angels in that way, you know?

And as for your "making her into a vampire" the answer is no. You don't have the power to do that. Only another vampire has the power to do that, and if you still have the ability to turn the light on yourself and look in the mirror, you're not one of those.

Great question! Thanks!


jennifer said...

Excellent advice, oh Madame Slayer. Here's another question--does the husband need to revoke the invitation, too? From the OP, I gather there are multiple relationships involved in this one. Tricky, no? Just curious on what the husband's actions might be, and if this plays any part in the course of action?

The Practical Vampire Slayer said...

Ha! You bring up an excellent point: If the husband is not troubled by his relationship with this woman, then she is not a vampire to him and he has no invitation to revoke. So I think I misspoke. This vampire feeds twice on our host -- once when she treats the host cruelly in private, and once again when she shapeshifts, vexing the host with her inconsistancy and (third?) by winning her husband's attention.
This is why the solution lies within the host, particularly in this case...it is up to her to look inside and shine a light on what's really "eating her" here. Making peace with that part of herself is the slaying ground in this scenario.

By the way, I still think this vampire feeds on the husband. Vampires are traditionally vain and often prideful (consider Dracula or Barlow) and I doubt that this this woman is an exception to the rule. Up to this point, however, feeding her ego doesn't seem to bother him. If he ever gets tired of that, though, he might want to start thinking about invitations and revocations.

bj said...

Keep up the great work.

The Practical Vampire Slayer said...

Thanks, toots!

Dwight The Troubled Teen said...

Sage advice from a smart chick.


The Practical Vampire Slayer said...

Thank YOU, Dwight.

Feemus said...

This is a double whammy--this woman's husband probably calls his wife crazy when she tries to tell him that their friend is a vamp. "Oh," he probably says, "you're just jealous. Try to be nice to her."

Pretty sneaky, Crazy Vampire Lady.

The Practical Vampire Slayer said...

Yep, Feemus -- crazy like a vampire.

Anonymous said...

A vamp likes the male attention on the sly. They don't care about your feelings or his. It is a game to them. Once the man is in their pocket, game over and he is kicked to the curb. I bet you are asking why. Because somewhere along the line, the vamp was a victim of someone else's cruel game. It is tit for tat to them. Life is a bitch then you make one so think about how you treat people. Remember it all starts during the adolescent years. How many of you have made fun of someone or used them for your not-so-nice agenda?

Claud said...

Yes, Anonymous: It takes a vamp to make a vamp. I agree!

Jessica said...

This website is a nice directory of the various treatment help options available for struggling teens. Parents of struggling teens will surely get benefit from it. I am mother of 17 years old boy and he does not follow discipline. Please suggest me what I have to do.

Anonymous said...

hello my name is ashlee and im 14 years old.im a bit cofused with myself at the moment.i dont know what it is but i have this wiered feeling im a vampire or somhing to do with vampires maybee a slayer i have a feeling one of these 2 is my destiny and i dont know what to do.could it be in my blood to belong to one of these.i my mother is a phsicic and she has become really distant from me she says im trouble and there is omthing about me that is evil. i dont know what to do please i really nned somones help my mum wants me to move out