So what are we looking for when we examine ourselves? What do our wounds look like, anyway?
Well, to me the most obvious look a lot like:
Resentment: And I ain’t talking about just being mad, either. What I'm talking about is that movie we keep playing in our heads featuring past feedings by our vampires and future imagined feedings by our vampires -- and our anger, anger, anger about both.
I'm driving to work, and instead of seeing the road in front of me, I'm seeing an ambitious coworker who's been doing his best to prove to me (and everyone else in the office) that he's a faster, harder, and all-around better worker than I am. I can see all the little insinuating ways in which he's tried to make me look bad in the past, and I'm seeing all the possible ways he's going to try and make me look bad in the future. The one thing I can't see is the thing I need to see most at the moment: the road and the traffic in front of me!!
I'm finishing the last of the breakfast dishes, satisfied that the livingroom is somewhat clean and the baby is about to go down for her nap. As I contemplate the heavenly possibility of taking a nap with her, it dawns on me that my vampire may be coming to call without notice. I invited her in once long ago, and now she comes and goes as she pleases. Terror-struck at this maybe-she-will/maybe-she-won't scenario, I cannot rest, and search for a plan to keep her out or keep her visit short. But now I'm too worried to rest at all.
The trouble with vampire-hosting is that it can get to be a way of life. I can have these kinds of wounds and think these kinds of thoughts for years and never notice how they're draining the life right out of me.
And I'm not even talking about the wounds that just plain-old hurt.
So, Slayers, should we talk about those, too?