"Biting Back takes a compelling look at self-care, setting boundaries, and protecting ourselves from friends, loved ones, enemies, and sometimes even ourselves. Written in a page-turning and warm style, Claudia’s refreshing addition to the self-help shelves offers empowering solutions to effectively remind us to stop inviting troubleinto our homes and souls." -- MELODY BEATTIE, NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLING AUTHOR OF CODEPENDENT NO MORE


I Think They're Trying To Seduce Me

Dear PVS,

I'm 19 years old, and not Goth. I am fairly normal by most standards, but 3 female vampires have tried to start relationships with me or wanted sex in the past month.

Am I attracting this or do just have really bad luck?

Sincerely, Bob

Hi Bob,

Thanks for the great question, and I apologize for the delay in answering you -- I've been having blogger trouble that seems to have finally resolved itself today.

So. A couple of things come to mind as I consider your letter:

First, you don't need to be "Goth" to attract a vampire, although I suspect you already know this. The vampires we're talking about around here aren't overly impressed with image -- what turns them on is vulnerability and a potentially good meal. What they want is a way to get in and lots to eat once they've crossed the threshold.

Think "invitations." Think "insatiable appetites."

So I'm wondering why you feel these women are vampires. Is it because of the way they dress? Because I have to tell you, clothes do not make the vampire, and for vampires this is so not about style.

Do they profess to be vampires? Are they vampire wannabees? If so, this is not what defines a "practical vampire," which is of course what we are speaking of here.

Practical vampires are the people, places, institutions, beliefs, and situations we deal with every day that drain us of our time, our energy, and our good will. They are personal to us and defined not by what they do but rather by how we are affected by them. When we diagnose a vampire in our lives, it is by looking at our wounds, and not by looking at the vampire. Practical vampires are not people playing dress-up or members of any particular community.

Practical vampire slaying is founded on the spiritual principle that a vampire cannot enter into our lives to feed without first receiving our invitation to do so. Taking responsibility for what enters our lives and how we deal with it is how we reclaim our power to choose for ourselves what we want to do about our vampires.

Sometimes we choose to evict them by "revoking our invitations," and sometimes we don't. Sometimes we are ready to be rid of our vampires and other times we're not. It's all about having a choice.

The point is, we have no choice and no power if we continue to view ourselves as victims of bad luck. This is why taking responsibility for our lives matters so much to any practical vampire slayer.

So Bob, when you ask whether you are attracting them or just having bad luck, I want to remind you that we're all approached by vampires every day, whether we're "attracting them" or not. Vampires are nothing if not determined, and will try to solicit an invitation anywhere they can. It is true that some potential hosts are more toothsome than others -- some appear by their behavior to be more vulnerable to solicitation, no doubt about that!

But vampires are willing to "try anyone once,"so it is not our job to run around trying to dodge their solicitations as much as it is to calmly refuse their solicitations when they come.

This we do by arming ourselves with clarity: clarity about who we are and what we want. The more we know about what we're up to and what we want in our lives, the less vulnerable we are to inviting in the things that rob us of our freedom.

I say that like it's so easy, right? But finding clarity about who we are and what we want requires willingness, readiness, commitment, and practice, and even with those, we'll never get it perfect. Still we try, though -- bringing a little more light and a little more freedom to our lives each day.

Or at least I do!


jennifergg said...

Beautifully said, Slayer. Exactly right. Dare I say, Dead on?
(sorry, I couldn't resist; or rather, I CHOSE NOT TO resist.)

claud said...

Aww thanks, Jen! What a nice comment to come home to!

Angela said...

You sure can't tell a vampire by its appearance. Remember, I had one that looked like Shrek. These principles work. It's been amazing that, since I very clearly revoked my invitation, the balance of power has switched. Our relationship has totally changed and I hope that after a period of time, we can reach equilabrium.

Toothsome hosts? You're killin' me here, Claude.

Love ya!

claud said...

That is so cool about your Shrek vampire, Angela! "balance of power" -- I love that and I think I'm going to have to use it in the book. Thanks!

p.s. "toothsome" comes from S.K.'s 'Salem's Lot. The master vampire Barlow refers to one of his victims as "toothsome," and I was going to try to acknowledge that in the post but I'll tell ya, I digress so much as it is that it seemed better to leave it alone.

But that word belongs to King. There. Now you know the truth!


Jaye Wells said...

This is a great reminder about consciously reflecting on who we are and what we want. It's especially timely for me, so I thank you.

claud said...

Fantastic, Jaye. And I just love to see you visit!

Dwight's Writing Manifesto said...

Sage, sage advice. (As always.)

claud said...

Happy, happy, HAPPY to see you here, Dwight!!!

(ya pixie!)

Anonymous said...

Right on Claudia ~ Living in the light is what it is about for me. Prisms and sparkles of beads are helpful to increase my light. Life is good. bj

claud said...

Hey Bj, great to see you here!

That is cool about your beads -- I never thought of that before!

Angela said...

Ok, missy. Time for a new blot post.

claud said...

I'm a very very busy and important person, Angela.

p.s. okay. and thanks!

Angela said...

Yes, my dear, I know. But your blog readers need you, too. :)

Janet said...

Arming ourselves with clarity...i love that!!! I will use it again... i just "found" you and I will be visiting often..I like what i am seeing and hearing..thank you...

Claudia said...

Hi Janet!

Welcome and thank you. I am on the run today but I want to thank you for your question, too, and assure you that I intend to address it!
Thanks so much for making my day,

antique equestrian prints said...
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hawtVampia_Kiba'sgirl said...

huh- is it just me, or are some vampires seductive because theyre sexy?

this is an anime vamp though:http://www.testriffic.com/resultfiles/23153sluty%20vamp.jpg

ignore the name-i just chose a random name based on my mood- not a vampire, but i am kiba's girl :)

well there are vampires that are like ugh...

Viagra Online said...

Every time I saw a vampires movie always those are women I would like to know what kind of relation that it has does it makes the movie interesting or it is just to increase tho level of hormones in men.

ScarletDracula said...

Guys whats your problem!!??!!! Why do you want to kill an entire race of beings!!!? I am 100% vampire and im female. I have turned two people into vampires, and I don't care if I get into trouble im only having a meal. ¤…¤

ScarletDracula said...

But I do respect you. Not all vampires are evil. you are all scared about being bitten, I feel like im dying I haven't drank any blood since January. Im going to bite more people and drain their bodies. AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME :'(